Haven't written anything for a couple days.  Thursday and Friday were tough days to get through at work. 

Things have changed a bit as of yesterday.  K came to pick some things up to move into the apartment.  There's nothing wore than watching your wife move out.  On second thought, there is.  Helping her move out is worse.  I don't know how I managed to help her at all.  My hands were shaking so bad, I cut 3 fingers trying to take the bed frame apart.

We were able to have a productive conversation after all the moving was done.  It left me not knowing if I should feel better or worse, though.

She basically took the blame off of me and put it all on herself.  In her words, "Who really cares who vacuums the floor?  If I really loved you, I'd be more willing to work on this."  She's not sure she's ever loved me as much as she should, the way a wife is supposed to love a husband.  So, while I feel better because this takes a lot of pressure off of me, trying to figure out what to do to fix it, it also hurts to hear she may not have ever loved me enough in her eyes.  I know there's still a lot for me to work on, but this still takes a huge weight off of me.  Personally, I believe she still loves me, more than she realizes.  I don't think we could be together for 6 years, and she wouldn't figure out she didn't really love me.  Or, she would have met someone else and realized there was a feeling there she didn't have for me.  No, I believe she does love me.  She says she had doubts when we were engaged, but a lot of people do.  That doesn't mean she did the wrong thing by marrying me.  So what if she doesn't show that she loves me in the same ways I do.  Everybody loves people in different ways.  If she thinks she doesn't love me as much as I love her, so what?  What matters to me is that she does actually love me, not how much.  Love can't be measured anyway, so why try to figure these things?  If we both love each other, that's all that should matter.  I'm just going to have to keep letting her know that she is everything I want, that everything I do, I want her with me, that nothing I do matters unless it's with her.  So, big turn of events yesterday, but where do I go from here?  Before, I could try to fix things that I was doing wrong, but now she's put it all on herself, and there's nothing I can do about that.  Brings me back to what I said earlier...  do I feel better or worse about all of this?


If there are a lot of errors in this, sorry about that.  I'm a little drunk tonight, and typing isn't quite as easy as usual, haha...