divorceI can't believe how quickly I can still go from doing so well to suddenly feeling awful. I went to Denver and had a great time. I came back and I've been busy, hanging out with friends, doing this, doing that, having fun. I even had to deal with seeing her A LOT at work yesterday and the day before, and still I was doing great. Suddenly today, I just feel like I'm going to lose it, I feel sick to my stomach again - a feeling I haven't had this strongly in at least a month.
I'm at such a strange place. I miss her so much, but I know at the same time that I couldn't ever take her back, even though I'd probably try if the opportunity presented itself. That's what marriage is to me. I made the commitment, and until the divorce is final, I would still try. And through all this, I find myself paying attention to other women in a way I haven't in quite some time. I feel encouraged that I'm able to do this, but at the same time, it makes me sick because the fact is, I'm still legally married. I almost feel torn inside. Part of me is moving forward the way I need to, but the other part is still so jumbled.
Thank God a busy (hopefully fun-filled) weekend is on the way.
